Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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