Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
