you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
