I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
