im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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