he thought i was a dude.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
