Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
