if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
