New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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