sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
