Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
