it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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