Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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