my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
