Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I want her autograph on my taint
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm really busy with my period
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