I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
