is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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