Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
