She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
