My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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