I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
