I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
