So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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