none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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