i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
