I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
