How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
