420 ftw
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
