He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
