you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
