I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
