Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
