if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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