I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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