the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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