please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
