she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
