Well douche your snatch and let's go!
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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