i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
