Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Randomize
