Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
