i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
