so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
