The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
