I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
