I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
