i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
