hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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