I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
