Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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