my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
