Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
